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"Babe, I haven't had a migraine or that numbness on my back since we started our power exchange." These words are came across as a PM this morning. Mrs Fillmore works an extremely stressful job, and the patches of numbness she refers to were actual loss of feeling. Her doctor said they were stress related, and I think the migraines as well. Her job, if anything, has been MORE stressful, with a change in leadership, and an additional layer of management added in the last months. But here she says her stress has subsided to a level unlike anything in the past, probably, decade.
What is your happiness worth? Every time she thanks me or tells me she's grateful for what I've done for her, I feel like I'm getting away with something. I feel like I'm on top of the world. I get everything I want from our relationship, and more. If you've been following along, you can see that. What have I given up? Freedom? The ability to choose for myself? Not really. We are a married couple. We must take a path together. Whatever one of us decides, the other must live with. Without clearly delineated roles, certainty in decision making is absent. Without clearly delineated goals, the way forward is confused.
So what I have REALLY given up is the confusion and resentment that stems from two interconnected people working toward different ends, intentionally or unintentionally.
She delegates, I help achieve. She considers my wants, and takes care of my needs. This creates a stable foundation upon which to face the world for both of us; we're both happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. One final note. Think about your own relationship. Perhaps you aren't in the same situation as I am, and one person isn't clearly better at making decisions or handling emotional turmoil. That doesn't mean the status quo is what's best. Find each other's strengths and weaknesses. Openly discuss them, delineating a power schematic that covers the bases. You would still be exchanging power, just not in an extreme fashion like the First Lady and I are. Instead, you are removing the necessity for discussion over several issues in your life. Perhaps you exchange power in the bedroom. Maybe you go back and forth with it. Whatever it is, I think what every post I've made, and every thing I've read, screams out that communication, honest, blunt, and loving, is always the best case for a good relationship. Establishing the MEANS of that communication is the trick, and power exchange, including the right and/or capacity to feel resentment is the key. If she says, "No, I don't like that," or "Come here and do this," I know EXACTLY what she wants. If she asks me what I want, I tell her, being completely honest. If she says nope, that's fine, I know she's given it due consideration. So, kind of meandered through this, but to sum it up, Articulated Power Exchange begets Honest Communications which begets Contentment which begets Positive Benefits (in this case, health benefits) for both parties.