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I received a message from a fellow traveler today, and it made me think about what others, outside our life together, think about what we have.
The first thing I reminded of made me snort. One of my wife's (much younger) co-workers asked in a demanding way (it's okay, she's not rude, just very focused) how she could get what we have. This is a vanilla friend who knows no more of my wife's dominant role than I am attentive to her needs and defer to her in public. This is evidence of my submission, but also comes across as loving chivalry. The question wasn't funny, nor was the answer, it was the response to the answer.
"Compromise and hard work," my wife said. She doesn't really pull punches very often.
Her co-worker went into a veritable pout, completely unsatisfied with her answer. She didn't disbelieve my wife, she just didn't like her answer, which was the funny part.
Another time, we were celebrating after work with her office crew, and I got there first. I don't put on my bracelets in the morning. If my wife beats me out of the house (lol, not literally!) I will present them to her when I see her next. In this case, this same younger friend saw me hand them to my wife at the bar, and watched as she snapped them on me. She asked about it, and my wife explained that they were to celebrate when we renewed our vows in May. The woman gave an "awwww" and said she wished she had been there for it. I laughed quietly at that, because I pictured her sitting on the couch as my wife cleansed my naked body of my past sins with blows from her heavy belt until I no longer reacted to them, the pain a catharsis of release, freeing me from guilt.
The message I got today was from someone who is in an FLR with his wife, and he had entered it some time ago, but experiences ups and downs. His message wasn't jealous or envious, but rather appreciative of what we have, or at least what he sees through the lens of what I post (which is accurate, if not frequent enough). What struck me about his message was that it was a mirror image statement to my wife's young co-worker. I didn't know what to say to him, because we TOO have ups and downs, but perhaps they don't seem as exagerrated as his own. But if I were to articulate WHY we are successful, it would be essentially the same response my wife gave her co-worker. Compromise and hard work. I am up late, because my current responsibilities require hours of work on projects in the evenings. Today, my wife casually reminded me that my sweeping wasn't up to snuff. She didn't say "sweep every morning or I'll beat your ass." But she did indicate it wasn't happening often enough. So that is something that will happen now, and it wasn't something I really missed before my recent uptick in outside responsibilities. She knows where my heart is, and I show her every day the love and respect she deserves, and our communication is honest and clear, but still life throws things in the way of our peace and happiness, which makes it difficult for me to feel I am holding up my end of the bargain. But that's where the compromise comes in. Because we talk, it will all work out. Because we build on a foundation of love, it will all work out. Because my first principle is obedience to her will, it will all work out. I have faults, but knowing what they are and working to keep them under control and in mind minimizes their impact. And the reward is that my joy is in the hands of the woman who has shown that it is her goal to see me realize happiness and fulfillment. Yes, the way I write sometimes makes our life seem like an idyll, and while I won't deny that it is, it is also a life of hard work and frequent difficulties. But they are just elements in the tapestry, and overcoming them with her hand guiding us is its own special sort of joy.
