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BDSM, Impact play, and Domestic Discipline
I get hit, almost every day. It's my my wife who hits me, and it can be for any number of reasons, from me breaking the rules that we've negotiated, to my ass just looks smackable while we're walking through the store. It's become a big part of our relationship, and I recently took to Fetlife, to a group that was for male submissives and female dommes. I posed the following request for comments: I would like your comments on how domestic discipline has or has not worked for you in your relationships, regardless of which side of the F/m dynamic you are on. I was not asking about impact play (spanking for fun) or creating a BDSM scene. Strictly about a negotiated set of circumstances whereby the man in the relationship would agree to submit to corporal punishment for certain infractions, or for other reasons. I did not set parameters, like a set punishment for a specific action, but rather just asked for folks to share their experiences. Well. Apparently Domestic Discipline is a controversial subject. I hadn't given too much detail of my situation because I didn't want a tl;dr post to drive away any responders, so it took a lot of back and forth to get to what I was talking about. In the end, I think I didn't cast a wide enough net, as this group seems firmly in the 'Against' camp when it comes to corporal punishment, although I was unsatisfied by their objections, for the most part. I will say that corporal punishment doesn't seem to work on dogs, kids, prisoners, or other unwilling partners, or people without the capacity to process it. I don't have any problem giving the nod to that. However, I am a willing, adult, participant in relatively good physical, mental, and (now) emotional health. It seems to work for us, which was ALSO a consensus judgment of that group, but that may be because we are layering a D/s relationship over a 20+ year marriage and I respond well to authority. But the conversation really forced me to think about getting hit. Since there were so many people questioning me at once, I needed to respond thoughtfully to many questions and objections. It was probably a MUCH more useful mental exercise than if I went to a group that favored Domestic Discipline and only heard from a bunch of cheerleaders for it. For what its worth, I did get private messages on Fetlife from people in that group who indicated they used it in their relationships, and found it to be helpful and constructive.
In the end, I categorized the different times I would get my ass tanned into different categories. Here they are, below. If you use DD in your relationship, let me know how it works for you!
1) BDSM play. This can get quite hairy, but is just plain fun for both of us. She tends to warm me up, and mix in loving care with the riding crop/flogger/bamboo canes. We have a lot of fun. Usually ends in some form of sex. I guess it turns Mrs Fillmore on!
2) A "reset" (we've only done this once(twice now)). I heard about it from a couple different BDSM/D/s sources. She beats me until I am crying uncontrollably. I am not crying from the pain. It is a way for me to release pent up emotional feedback, refocus my mind, and reconnect with my wife/domme. It is a loving exercise, and extremely emotional.
3) ritual beating to expurgate past sins/emotional pain. This is always with a specific belt. It isn't fun or not fun, and there's nothing sexual about it. The punishment (as always) is set by my wife, not discussed with me, and I treat each blow as an individual cleansing sensation to clear out the negative emotions associated with the topic. You can go back to my May 24th (I think) entry to read about the first time we did this. It was stunning. It sealed our relationship. We look at it as a renewal of our wedding vows. I credit this with a near instant change in my mental wiring, making me a better person who is able to control my appetites (of all varieties)
4) Home Correction/Domestic Discipline. This could be for infractions I accrue over the day (self reported) or for negative behavior in front of her. For one particular offense which I have trouble with, we stop whatever we're doing and address it. It is quite painful, and these are not "funishment". This might also be a pinch in the soft, sensitive skin of my underarm if we are out and about. My wife usually takes great pains to explain exactly why I am getting punished. We have a discussion, and then the pain is like an exclamation mark, sealing the lesson.
