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Complete
This morning, I am free. I am free, even though I am effectively your property. I will literally do anything within my power for you, when you tell me, how you tell me. I have a broad range of things I will ask you before I do, even though you did not articulate a list for me. I will spend every night secure in our bed, wrapped in the comfort of my bonds and your love, knowing that the first thing that I will do when you release me in the morning is prostrate myself before you and honor our love. And the best part is the we have come to this together; this wasn't some domination fantasy or some last-ditch demand on your part to control me.
It was more a function of my plan. I told you that the last two stories I built involved a man submitting to a woman in love. My subconscious was telling me something. And so when I started researching FLRs and contemplating what we could do to get there, it just felt right. Poor you, though, going away for the weekend, not knowing what was coming. I know you don't like surprises like that, but it was both the only way, and important that I tell you I had plans for major changes. It wouldn't have been fair for you to deal with this with no warning.
So the title of my post is accurate. The initial process of establishing the boundaries of our new relationship is complete, and we have renewed our vows in the ultimate way. You allowed me to expurgate my sins, but I think I get ahead of the matter. I think I will describe my initial plan, and the ways in which life and love changed, enhanced, and perfected it.
My first step, taken unbeknownst to you (within reason) was to research Female Led Relationships. This involved a lot of male chastity, usually, something that was attractive to me. Not for the teasing control/denial element that seems common but rather for the way it would effectively put the key to my sexlife on a necklace around your neck. I found Caged Lion over at Male Chastity Journal, and heard him and his wife on HuffPost's sex and love podcast. Theirs, and other, relationships seemed close to what I thought would make us stronger, but not exactly right.
So I did more research, always trying to avoid pornographic content, which is SO common for these searches. LovingFLR was a lot closer, but almost too far in the vanilla direction. I realized at some point I was using research as an excuse to avoid action, so I took the upcoming opportunity of you going away to implement my plan.
The first step was the lists. I needed to establish that yes, while we are both human, and therefore both flawed, the list of things I do that are negative behaviors far outweighed the list of things you do. Outside of the sheer volume, the seriousness counted against me too. So yes, using my toothbrush and leaving your chewed gum in the bottom of your coffee mug are definitely things you could never do again and we would be better off, they pale in comparison to say, overtalking you consistently, or being inattentive when you are talking to me. I had to make it plain that I was the one that needed correction and control, and you were the one who was worthy of leading me to a better place. The other lists were to show you that I knew I was worth being yours, and that I knew your heart and dreams. I listed the things I do that you love, and the things you want us to accomplish as a family. They leavened the seriousness of the first list and said to you that this wasn't some control fetish, but a request to come to a loving understanding.
Then you were home, and it was amazing. It was like that night I first fell in love with you, all over again. We didn't know exactly where this was heading, but we knew it was the right path. This was the next step. We had done the talking and research; now was the time to leap. I asked for your guidance and you accepted. We were like a dam bursting. The love and understanding was flowing through the hole in our old limitations, and we were finding our limits, finding what was natural. By the end of this step, yesterday evening at around 8, we had established that you essentially own me. Of the rituals that I had read about (and mostly scoffed at) we now had our own set, actions that felt natural. We had our own way of correction and acknowledgement. Not some ritualized mess full of obeisance and "yes mistress", but a simple understanding that works as well in the checkout line of the grocery store as it does in bed. Most importantly, to me, you had come to fully accept your power and value, your worthiness to lead, and my place in our relationship.
Then, the third step. We talked about it during the day. The expurgation of the demons of the past, the cleansing of souls. I had asked you about it earlier in the week, and you agreed. I made the point that I had ALWAYS responded well to discipline. My mother, who was by no means abusive, would often tell me as an adult that, in the end, an informed spanking was pretty much the own way to turn my ship of id. I asked you to incorporate it into our marriage. Not in a BDSM fetish way, or as a prelude to sex, but rather as traditional domestic discipline, or home correction. The proposal was mine, and consensual. But wonder of wonders, your wisdom showed me that I was offering it in part as a short-cut to my personal growth. You didn't say as much, but you did let me know that you would decide the process. If I was offering it, it was completely out of my hands.
Last night, you made it perfect. Perfectly suited to our life, love, and relationship. You put up iconic images of joyful events in our marriage, turning our hearth into an alter of love. You set up things to provide comfort to my knees and support to my body, without offering it as a test. then you tied me to the altar, to help keep me from pulling away when you whipped me.
But first, you sat in front of me, and I looked up at you from my knees, and I recounted my sins. This was at your instruction, but I never felt like it was some means of getting dirt from me to use in the future, but rather for the intent we both knew. I needed to clean my soul. I needed to forgive myself for these things, so we could move forward in love, your hand at the wheel. And so I did. What I said was for your ears only, and it was complete. I knelt on the hard ground, rejecting your kind offer of a pillow to comfort my knees and a chair to support me. And as I told you each sin, it came out of me and I felt lighter. My knees did not ache, I was almost floating. I had feared this for so long, but it was a sweet release. My soul was now bare. It was not clean, but it was bare and completely open to you.
Then you cleansed it. The pain was intense and excruciating. I wanted to writhe and pull away, but after you broke the paddle on my ass and switched to the strap (pictured) I embraced it. You kept asking me if I was done, and I kept saying, "until your arm is tired", and I meant it. The pain felt horrible, but the release felt amazing. You clearly did it with love. Stopping between groups of strokes to make sure I was okay, and caressing me, wrapping yourself around me.
And then, after a while, I don't recall how long or how many strokes, the pain disappeared. You were still hitting me just as hard, but it just didn't hurt. Each blow sent a ripple of feeling, but not anything I could describe as pain. It was as if you were wrapping a warm blanket around me, or empowering me. You asked if I was done, and instead of choking out the words, I was able to calmly say "until your arm is tired" with love and obedience. I was ready for you to beat me to your satisfaction, while you were waiting for me to release my guilt. It was perfect. We had other amazing moments last night, but that moment, wife, when your blows switched from pain to a pulse of reassuring love, that was the moment when the beginning of our journey was complete. Thank you for your love, devotion, and leadership.
This is the best possible version of our relationship. I look forward to living my life in union with you, under you, giving you honor and devotion.