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Language of love
When we would discuss something, even last week, I would be very assertive. It is in my nature; I know it, and while it can come across as gregarious (because I am also relatively genial) it also was an issue with us, because I would not be listening to you, and would be pushing the conversation in the direction I wanted, or contradicting you. It wasn't about being right or wrong, but rather about being a firehose of words.
When we had a disagreement, not a serious one, I feel like you would either demur in favor of my decision right away (as a means of avoiding confrontation?) or I would trample over you without taking the time to listen to you. Or, and this is the most painful outcome for me to recall now, would resentfully give you the win. This had a cost, and since we have always been so in tune, you could sense it.
These first two days of this new life (two days! It feels like forever) for us I have been learning how we work best, as I feel you have. Starting that first night, before you came home, with my demand for you to do something. Remember that I called or messaged and told you never mind, do it when you want, and cleaned up that project and put it away. You had had the same thought, but it was like putting on a new shoe, uncomfortable around the edges.
Just two days later and we have fallen into the rhythm of our new roles. When I emailed you about that Facebook post I made, I immediately offered a mitigation and an apology. I could tell you thought about it, and made the decision that was best for me, and also gave me clear instruction for the future. I thanked you for your guidance. I was asking for it, and you gave it to me. We spoke about that one, but some of the others that we haven't spoken about I wanted to share with you. When I said we could do something tomorrow, and you said, without contradicting me, without saying no, said, "I will review it with you tonight" I had an upwelling of joy. And I thanked you. Again, for giving me clear instruction, but also for giving me the opportunity to learn more about my language. I'm not to tell you when specific things WILL happen, but to make myself available to you. This is not to say I can change the tide, or tax day, or some other immutable fact, but rather that when it comes to the details of our life, you will let me know what we want.
One last thing. When I write "thank you" it's just a thanks, or it can be. I have taken to using your name to indicate my full understanding. Much like one would say, "aye aye, sir" to acknowledge understanding and compliance with an order, I am using your name in place of some title, or femdom honorific. Ma'am, or Madam, or whatever they say, doesn't fit. Your name, the name of my everything, holds more power than any of those words. So for what you have done for me, both in the little things and the big, thank you Mrs. Fillmore.
