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Waking up to a New World
Today I feel ten years younger and infinitely happier than even yesterday. You came home, and I could tell you were a little nervous about talking to me about the change in our relationship. You were tired, after a weekend of driving and parties, but you seemed to have a slow fire in you as you sat on the couch and just decompressed. I helped get the kids ready, and actively tried NOT to rush you. In reality, I wanted to take you in my arms and carry you up to bed as soon as I saw you. Even later, when we got to bed, we took it slow, talking in general terms. I think you knew that I wanted you to be in charge, but I'm not sure you knew A) How serious I was, and B) How big of a responsibility/shift it would be. I love that we talked about it as we made love. I looked you in the eyes and I told you the full extent to which you would have authority in our relationship. You still seemed like you didn't believe me, giggling and laughing. But I persisted. I used stronger and stronger language until I just got to the absolute foundation. You own me. I am yours, completely. This is a huge relief for me, and a huge responsibility for you. As we held each other this morning you understood, I think, finally, how completely I am giving myself to you. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't trust that you would listen to me and understand my feelings, needs, and desires. I've always done well with structure, with a hierarchy, and we didn't ever articulate it. I'm excited for the future, and what we can accomplish with you at the wheel. You are a great person, and an intensely hard worker. Let me boost you up. I wrote that I wish we had come to it a decade ago. But last night (or this morning, it's a blur) you said you wish we had from the start. And you're right. I am not regretting this at all, or not doing it sooner, but it just feels RIGHT. I feel like I've chosen joy and success, and that you are right there with me. I love you. Enjoy your day, and I look forward to seeing you again this evening.
cut through the bullshit and be the best person I can be, and that means be