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The Last List!!
I've run out of list pictures, so no pic this time ;-). I was so moved by what you said about someone sorting all your clothes. I sat and thought about what that meant. Probably since your mom, when you were in puberty, you always did it for yourself. For the decades we've been married, I never did. I always just let myself be mystified by where you put your clothes. That meant washing/drying/folding was enough. What bullshit. It took me about 5 hours, but it wasn't hard, per se, just a lot of work. A lot of making small decisions. But I think I cleared the decks, and made it so it will work for you. I also took pictures of how it looked when it was done. I'm going to save them, and make it look like that every week. Ask yourself this: If you never do laundry, fold a shirt, or organize your sock drawer for the next twenty five years, will our relationship be better or worse? Does it seem like a big ask to you? Does it seem unfair to me? Well, that's what I've had for decades, so why isn't it fair for you to have it now.
In my last post, I asked you to take on the responsibility of the big decisions. I am handing you control; it is a big responsibility. If you have that weight on your shoulders, shouldn't you lose some weight elsewhere? Trust me, I've had that weight, I know what it's like. I'm the one asking for something big. So you should feel free to ask for the 1000 small things that you've carried for so long to be taken off your shoulders. Remember, all aspects of this relationship have to be in balance. I can't ask you to shoulder the burden of leading the family, giving me the peace of deferring to you, without taking up other burdens.
So I wrote another list. The last list. Well last list part one (more later on that). It is a list of all the chores I could think of. Take a look at it. Let me know what I've missed and put it on there. Annotate it like you've done the other two. Then, please go down, line by line, and right how often it should be done. Not how often it GETS done now, but how often it should be done in order for this house to be right. In a perfect world. I have a big goal with this one. Getting it all done. Doing every single thing. Using the list to make a guide for what to do, something tangible I can grab on to and work with.
I need this. You have been doing it for decades. I haven't, but I can visualize doing it. It seems easy to me when I visualize it, so I know I'm going to be able to do it. But I need your help to make the transition. And again, before you look at this and say "that will never happen!" or "you've said this before, so let's just admit you'll let me down" (not that I assume you're thinking that!) I can see it. This is all coming together. I have a plan, and I'm taking a big risk to achieve a huge goal, something I've been trying to do our whole marriage. But that word "try" we both know now what it means to really try. You have to commit. I am committing. It will be a challenge for you, but I'm working to put as much of this on me as possible.