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95/5
Every relationship is different, and while I have read and listened to some great guides or advice for improving your relationship with your significant other, each set of advice must be adapted to your own circumstance. I am not now, nor have I ever been, that guy who wants to hang out with his friends at a bar instead of going home. I have done it, and honestly, it is kind of torture to me. I don't need to be told that together time is important. I did have a whole lot of other stuff I needed help with, and really worked on myself to understand how I could better approach our relationship to improve my partner's experience. In doing so, I stumbled on FLR, and you can read the rest. The problem for some men is, I think, that they see submission as an escape, or a way they can instantly create the kind of relationship they want with someone new. I am sure that some can find happiness and a mate that way, but there is at least a perception among some domme women in the kink community that the majority of these closeted men are imagining a fantasy. I recently wrote this about it:
I would venture a guess that the porn-y views and female supremacy verbiage of many of these internet only male subs is a function of this. There is no scale if you haven't been confronted by the reality of submission. It's more about laundry, cooking, cleaning, and emotional support (particularly that last) than it is about patent leather thigh high boots pressed firmly on one's balls.The kink is the fun, the spice, the seasoning. The sustenance is the 95% of the rest of the activities.
Thus the title of this post. 95/5. 95% of giving up the power in your relationship is focusing on the daily physical, mental, and emotional needs of your partner. Turning your focus on them. Packing their lunch, picking up the room before you leave it, taking the pile of clothes your kids leave on landing and bringing them to the laundry room. It's understanding how to be emotionally supportive. It's proving that you will be there for her when she needs to go back to get her masters. It is doing the shopping. It is doing the myriad things you used to let her do and pretended you didn't understand how she found the time in her day. 5% of it is wearing your collar, and nothing else, while she practices her rope ties on you. The kinky part of it is just the frosting. If you don't like to take big mouthfuls of the cake; if that doesn't fulfill you spiritually, you may want to just hire a pro domme to get your kinks out. For me, watching her realize I've already done the thing she needed me to before she even asked me is the reward. She had a presentation to do to the board at her work the other night, so we took the opportunity to get together and have a meal at an excellent seafood place around the corner. After the meal, but before dessert and coffee, she reached over and latched my wrists together using my bracelets. She had me keep them on the table while the wait staff, and even the chef, came up to the table and chatted with us. I'm sure they couldn't tell I was bound, in a way, but she knew it and I knew it, and it was great to watch her revel in it. It was part of that 5%, and a lot of fun. But I wear those bracelets the other 95% of the time, too, and they signify my submission and love just as much when she hasn't used them to play with me in public. They are a constant reminder, even as I clean the kitchen cabinets, that I trust her to the level of making myself hers to do with as she wills, and I smile to see them even then.
