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What's in a Name
Part of the difficulty of layering our new relationship on top of nearly 30 years of being together is in how we talk to one another. I don't mean a lack of communication or an inability to say what I mean because I fear that I'm challenging her. No, because of the watershed of love and connection brought on by submitting to her will, I find that I can tell her anything, and she seems to be able to interpret it exactly how I mean it. It's how I address her that has me thinking. Because so much of our life is the same, day to day, using a traditional BDSM honorific, as I've seen discussed and used on various forums, just seems empty or inappropriate to me. She's not "Ma'am," "Mistress," "My Lady," or anything like that. I think we would collapse into paroxysms of laughter if I used one of those. I've learned to say her name in a way that communicates all of those, and more, I think. It's in the tone, and when it's typed via text or Messenger, I think that comes through, loud and clear. "Yes, Abigail." Simple and complete acquiescence and obedience. It could be my response to her asking me to get something to drink, or to bend over the kitchen counter because she wants to paddle me for fun. Or it could be because she's telling me to drop something that would have been a big issue pre-FLR, like a parenting choice. Regardless of the request/demand/command/instruction, that simple response, using her name, communicates exactly what I feel and she deserves. And I can say it anywhere and in front of anyone.
Now, she will call me Millard sometimes, but only very rarely. Most often it is the familiar "Mill" and again her tone tells it all. A little sharpness bled into the tone and my body snaps to focus on her. It could be sweetly whispered into my ear at bedtime. So many different ways she has to communicate her mood or meaning, and I'm very tuned into them. But one thing she says just drives me over the edge. One thing just makes me melt and want to prostrate myself in gratitude for the joy she has given me with this collar. When I've done something that really makes her happy, her pet name almost seems to burst from her lips, unbidden. We don't have a Mommy/Little Boy relationship, don't engage in age play, or do anything like that. It doesn't appeal, in any way. But when I've done something really special (*like the other night when I showed you that document I've been working on) you smile and say something like this: "Oh, I love it so much, My Sweet Boy." Even typing that gave me a physical reaction. I'm not saying I want her to call me that all the time, just that I love EARNING that appellation. I love it when I've made her SO happy that she calls me her sweet boy. I'm that 19 year old kid again, pleasing her for the first time. That's what it is. She's not some mommy figure, she's loving that sweet boy who fell in love with her instantly so many years ago.
