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My last post was about making a flogger for Mrs Fillmore; something fun she could use on me when we were in bed, well, whenever she wants.
But it wasn't really about that. It was about the fact that I truly am being more for her. Because I have focused myself solely on making her life better and more fulfilling, I am an all-around better person for it. And that's not bragging, it's the truth. Intellectual humility requires that I recognize positive traits in myself, and these are plain to see. I've had customers comment (favorably).
Part 2 to this post is that I find myself thinking more about my feelings, and understanding my life and how I am changing. To aid me in that is that I am reading more about D/s relationships, and listening to some pretty interesting podcasts. I found Loving BDSM (Kayla Lords) in a search on iTunes, and so liked her style and thoughtfulness that I went back to episode 1 and started from the beginning. The episodes are short, which is nice. She doesn't feel the need to beat a dead horse. She says what she came to say, and ends it.
She also comes across as confident and appropriately opinionated. In other words, intellectually humble; she comments confidently on what she knows, and recognizes that which she doesn't.
I only got three episodes in before I found an episode that I had to share with Mrs Fillmore. "What Does a Good Dominant Look Like?"
It was as if this woman was describing my wife. I encourage you to listen to it, even if you are not in a D/s relationship, and it doesn't appeal to you. Her description is pretty much not only what you should look for in a potential mate, but also what you should try to be yourself. Not much of it is about being dominant. It's just about being a great person to be in a relationship in. I stopped what I was doing (cleaning) and sent the link to Mrs Fillmore, then went and talked to her for a little bit. We are working on different projects. I told her the gist of the episode, and why I thought it applied, and her interest was piqued. She then told me she loved what I wrote about the flogger, and yes, this change HAS brought out the best in me. But then what she said made me melt. She said it brought out the best in her, too. She articulated how prepared and capable she is now, contrasting it to before, when s
he would always forget key steps or tools and have to work harder to get things done. Not now. Everything in her life is easier; even her (VERY) challenging job is a joy.
We just communed for a bit, enjoying the lovely weather as we sat together in the midst of her project (fixing the roof). Later, she sent this reply to me:
This pleased very much. You are right, I was destined to be the dominant with you. I especially like the part at the end where she said dominants are more polite than most. Now maybe you will stop telling me to stop saying please. And you will see it is what it is. A polite woman, who always gets her way because she has earned that place in your life.
As in all things, I will follow her direction. I have been uncomfortable with her apologies and politeness. But that is PART of her. Without them, her treatment of me would be artificial.
Instead, I will just enjoy her politeness, and say "Yes, Abigail." Her wish is my command, but so is her polite request.
