No tags yet.
Getting There
That love and life are a journey is a trope that is overused in a cloying way does not detract from how fitting the comparison can be.
Love is not static. It grows or shrinks, changes in it's form, intensity, and nature, and becomes something that can drive people's lives. Left alone, taken for granted, it can stagnate or fossilize, becoming moribund or brittle. Unless you are moving through life with your love, it can atrophy to the point where, while it still exists, it is just a shriveled and painful reminder of the joy it used to represent.
I have been off of this blog for a few days not because I have had nothing to write, but rather that we are moving so fast, and our lives are so full, I couldn't in good conscience spend time relating my feelings here. We celebrated last night, and into today, and I felt your love in such a warm and relaxing way that I just put everything else aside and dedicated time to write this.
As you leave for work, teasing our children playfully, I can only smile. I am so at peace; feeling so loved and cherished, that I almost cannot draw on another experience to compare it to. Almost. I know that what I am experiencing now, the love and absolute devotion I have for you as the sole object of my energies, is what you have felt since the start. So the experience I draw on are those countless (truly countless) moments where you showed small, loving kindnesses to me throughout our live. I now know the joy you felt with each one. They were similar to the joy I felt when one of my plots to create a perfect anniversary or birthday came together and I made you cry with happiness. I'm thinking about that time up on the mountain, when I played our wedding song for you.
That was a perfect moment that thrilled my whole being. Now, about three weeks in to this new part of our journey, I recognize what I have been feeling all along as similar to that feeling. But instead of a massive dose that shocked my system and faded away, it is like a constant trickle of joy. Three weeks almost, and not a cross word, not a single quibble. Is this the new normal? It feels like it, and I think the old me would say that it was too good to be true. But the new me says it is not, it is what we deserve, and what we will have for the rest of our lives.
I think our great strength is that we were always moving with our love. Even during dark times when I would pull away, you would carry enough for the both of us. You would show me the light of your heart, and I would hold onto you for dear life. Every moment of our life before was movement forward, preparing us for this, bringing us to the great place we were when we decided to change our lives. This is natural, and if the current is not as swift, it is also not as rocky and jumbled. We are heading down the road together, enveloped in the warm embrace of our love.
