Eros

If I were to talk to most muggle men, married for at least a decade, and tell them that the when, where, and how of my sex life were completely up to my wife, they would probably choke from laughing derisively at me. Their perception of female sexuality, and that which is enforced by our "playing hard to get" culture is one in which the man is imposing his sexuality onto a usually indifferent partner. Score is kept by counting male orgasms.

Think about the discussions you have about sex, and had when you were much younger. Sex wasn't sex without a male orgasm. If you said you had sex with a girl in high school, but all you did was bring her to orgasm with your hand, you would have been called a liar. This is reinforced, over and over,in our pop culture, even in our sex education, which is primarily about how to prevent the negative effects of male orgasms.

In our relationship the power dynamic has completely shifted. Sex is when she wants it. But if you remember from my last post, Eros is inspired and enhanced by Philia (friendship) and Storge (familial) love. She feels liked, loved, and cherished by me, and it drives her libido to new heights. So if you combine these two elements; a rejection of male sexual aggression (counting orgasms as sexual punctuation), and the absolute trust you put in your wife in an FLR, what you get is an incredible amount of lovemaking, of all sorts. Almost every accounting I have read by men in my kind of role in a relationship speaks about an incredibly fulfilling sex life. I only say 'almost' because I can't be sure. I don't recall one that isn't. For some couples this involves chastity play and orgasm denial, but that is what they both want and find fulfilling.

To any men who are reading this with a level of incredulity I can only relate my experience. I don't _CARE_ if I have an orgasm. I really don't. And I am someone who has had tons and tons of them. Up until three weeks ago, I was struggling massively with sex addiction. Orgasms were my drug, and porn was my syringe. I wasn't always using, but the monkey was ALWAYS on my back, urging me to just look for a little while, every time I sat down at a computer. I couldn't conceive of a life that wasn't focused on my own sexual gratification.

Those feelings are truly gone. I won't say that I'm cured. I know better than that. But I have such a changed perception to all forms of gratification, and in particular a changed perception of what place sex holds in my relationship with Mrs. Fillmore, that I cannot conceive of relapse. It truly feels like that urge is not there anymore.

Now, we make love all the time. We kiss and caress for what seems like hours. There is almost no element of Eros that is foreign to us, and every second of it is more sexually satisfying than any orgasm I ever had by myself, to the nth degree. I have told herself this, and I will tell you: I am living a fantasy. My life is a fantasy twice as incredible as any I ever dreamed up for myself. I get turned on when she just drops her dirty laundry on the floor, or tells me she doesn't have time at that moment to listen to me. It is madness, and yet completely sane and normal. Would this work for everyone? Of course not. But if you are a man who performs well in a highly structured environment (military?) and is a relative overachiever at work, particularly in a traditionally testosterone laden job like sales or management, and your significant other displays good judgement and has always been nurturing and supportive, you may want to consider FLR. It is freeing, and the detritus of life, the distractions we plug into in order to avoid any down time, they just fade away. Being alone with your thoughts becomes a joy; being together becomes liquid bliss.

In surrender, I have found a massive well of strength and self-discipline; an acute focus for my love, thoughts, efforts, and actions: her happiness. And in her boundless happiness is the key to a fulfilling and active love life for both of us.