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Well, it's not over in an emotional sense. This morning was a joy, regardless of the fact that our house is once again crowded with our children. We could still follow our routine, even if I was wearing clothes. :(
But I am oddly pleased by this turn of events. I am excited to explore this new set of circumstances with you. Yes, we won't be able to play around in any room of the house, and we have to be careful of noise, but that is fine. It will be like when I would visit you in your dorm back in the day. I think me looking forward to this is mostly a function of living in the moment.
I have a changed relationship with food, as we discussed, but I think that one could take that same change and apply it to every other aspect of my life. I have a changed perspective on gratification.
Because you have given me a focus beyond measure (your happiness) everything else pales in comparison. I have no desire to eat to excess, look at porn, play video games, obsess about my sports teams, obsess about the news, or anything, to excess. I am just enjoying the moment I am in, and the only thinking ahead I do is for work, managing the household, or planning for your happiness.
I feel like a hot air balloon, floating gently over the turmoil of the world.
To someone like that, the inability to revel in our relationship's changed power dynamic is simply an opportunity to heighten the sweetness and joy of the moments we do get together.
I look forward to traveling with you this weekend. I look forward to you travelling alone in the next few weeks. It is no longer something to dread, as I thought just days ago. For you will help me through it. You will carry me. Even from states away, you will protect me from emotional harm. You will tell me how to get through it, and I will.
It will be a joyful new experience. This I know.
