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Yesterday, I think I caused some concern for my wife. I wasn't smiling at her, and my response was muted. As in, very low key. She was worried I wasn't happy, or was in some way upset. That caused me an instant, visceral feeling of anxiety, so I assured her I was in no way hurt, sad, or regretful.
I was just changed.
This will, out of necessity, be a succinct post, because I don't have a lot of time this morning. She is on her way to work with her coffee, lunch packed, and an unassailable belief that my love and my heart is riding with her. I have three things I need to do before I leave for work in an hour. So here is a list, with little to no extrapolation, as to the changes I've seen.
Reduced Pain - No more limp.
Stronger knees - I can get up without holding onto anything.
Observant - I notice things I wouldn't have.
Patience - I don't recall the last time I yelled *almost
Wakefulness - I wake, invariably, a half hour before our alarm.
Focus - When I am doing a task, it is all I have on my mind.
Calm - I used to constantly joke and smile, to fill the emptiness
Quiet - She has asked me to speak up. Formerly, her common refrain was "you're shouting"
Appetite - I have a new relationship with food and hunger. Love and appreciation vs obsession and never feeling it.
Weight Loss - one week, one to one and a half belt notches. Almost zero exercise.
Balance - I stumble less
Self Aware - I see the things I do, and understand what they look like externally.
I need to get going, but I feel it is important to celebrate these things (just the start of the list). I know that our relationship must look bizarre, and my attitudes unmanly, to a muggle reading this who is more in tune with traditional roles, but look at that list of benefits, written in a stolen moment between breakfast and a few chores before I leave for work (another successful part of my life).
This works for us. It is a blessing for me, and has renewed my wife's faith in the power of love.
*Patience - does not seem to apply when I am behind slow, indecisive drivers who don't understand the art of making a turn so those behind you are not inconvenienced. I need to work on that. Wrath is a deadly sin.
