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Yesterday, you shared some of the nature of our relationship with your (our) friend. We have already discussed how it made me feel, but not necessarily how it made you feel or why I thought it was such a good thing that you did it. Of course, since this is sharing personal information (sort of) you've already read it and told me it is okay to post, but let me just add that I know leadership and responsibility can be lonely and nerve-wracking. I'm always here for you, and because of the nature of our relationship, you are all I need.
But that same relationship means you might need outside help. If one were to think about it logically, it only makes sense. You are, after all, only human, and you have flaws. What is different about you, and really amazing, is that you are in touch with your flaws and understand your limitations. (not something I'm really good at). So you know when you need to have support, and where you need to get it from. It seems to me that the empowering nature of our relationship has let you brush back all the insecurities that used to keep you from speaking out, or reaching out, when you thought you should. And you have found that support in our friend, whom I love and hold dear for more than the reasons stated below.
Dear (xxxx) There are different kinds of relationships. I might have an incredibly tight and emotional relationship with a customer I just started selling to a few months ago, and I certainly have friendships that fit back on like a glove, even after years, like my oldest friends. Others, like that with my aunt, have the potential to be deep and loving, but instead are impossible because the potential is spoiled by poison, magnified by the lost opportunity for love.
My relationship with you has always had two parts. The first is that of a (probably over-) protective friend. I probably told my wife to offer you my services to beat your ex-husband's ass more than once, and I certainly thought it WAY more than I said it. I love our visits with you (and the pup) and we rarely spend much time without laughing. And it is good to hear you laugh after having had to struggle through the end of your marriage as you did.
The other part of my relationship with you is gratitude. You were always someone my wife could go to after I hurt her. I have always hated hurting her, deep in my soul, and it assuaged my pain that she had someone in which she could confide, and someone with the training, compassion, and loving connection to help her. Your support has been of immeasurable help to us, and probably got us to where we are today as much as any other positive external influence.
So, when she told you we had mutually entered into a Female Led Relationship, I had two reactions. The first was panic that you would Google it and see the smutty dominatrix style abuse-fests that some couples engage in or the porn sites show. Then I remembered you only have a flip phone, and breathed a sigh of relief.
The second reaction was like a positive emotional wave. Like a warm blanket wrapping itself around me. What we are experiencing is an earth-shaking, permanent paradigm shift in our personal lives. For me, I want to share it because I want to shout it from the rooftops with glee. I'm so free, and I feel like my true self is able to finally take control of my actions.
But for her, the emotional shakeup is just as great, but the responsibility for the success of our family is a massive burden, squarely shifted onto her shoulders. It must be a terrible weight, even if she can't feel it fully yet. Like that backpack you put on and have to carry for a mile before you feel its full effects.
We discussed it and she decided that I shouldn't tell anyone, and the she might if she thought she needed to. I felt she would need to; the burden and joy are so strong; and I think she chose a beautiful choice in investing that trust in you.
Now, just so you can fully understand our relationship, and why I made MY half of the choice to enter into it, I want to break the process that led to her sharing with you down again more clearly.
First, we discussed sharing details of our life and relationship.
Second, after she considered the matter, she let me know how we would proceed. That I could not, and she would if she needed or wanted to.
Third, she elected to share with you.
Fourth, she let me know that she had.
This process perfectly illustrates both the nature of our relationship, and endorses my decision to submit to her wisdom in all matters.
She made this in sharing this with you, the one friend who has been with her through the downs most closely, and yet still remained compassionate, loving, and nonjudgmental in your thoughts and actions toward me.
To wit, she made the perfect choice, as I knew she would, and my heart sings with the joy this brings all of us.
