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This morning I woke up probably a half hour before you. We didn't get to sleep until 1 AM, but at 5:45 I was wide awake and alert. Like I told you, just being in this relationship that is so focused on you has erased any need I might once have had for Viagra. I don't say that in a smutty way, but rather that I am nearly always aroused when I am around you, even though I'm not thinking about, or trying to have, sex. I spent some of the time I had in the twilight hours this morning contemplating that.
I included our first picture from our real life on the blog, eschewing stock photos. It seemed like a big deal, so of course I discussed it with you first, but I'm glad you thought it was a good idea. I know these two paragraphs seem disjointed, and unconnected, but they are not. Because the picture is of the ring you installed last night to secure me to the bed. You were worried about my comfort, and wanted a better point for my bonds than what we had been using. And so this ring.
And that is what ties this whole story together. For the picture is the key to explanation for my feelings. It is the ultimate expression of my faith in you, and your ability to keep me safe. As I lay in bed this morning, looking at my hands (big, strong hands) in their bonds, chained to this ring, with my feet secured to the one at the base of our bed, I had the occasion to understand my heightened state of semi-arousal. It is because my brain is in the moment, not thinking about the past (whether that's beating myself up for failures, or reliving positive moments) or the future (fantasizing or being anxious about losing this) but rather just allowing myself to focus on you.
I watched your head (turned away from me) and listened to you breath and make those small noises you make in your sleep, and I thought of the things you wanted. Not huge life goals or massive projects, but going over the garden, thinking about what I might make you for lunch, making sure you have what you need. I had enough give in my legs that I could touch you with them, but my hands were within 6 inches of that ring. And here is the REALLY important part. In the past, I would have reached over and caressed you; played with your hair, pulled you into me, or massaged your ass or breasts. My hands even started involuntarily to do so, but the clank of the metal holding them in place was a reminder that those would be selfish actions. You were sleeping, and need your sleep. Sure, it would have been affection, and well meaning affection, but it wasn't what was best for you, for us.
So because of that ring, my hands stayed put, and I waited, watching over you with love, and thinking about all the things I wanted to share with you when I woke up. My whole body felt aroused, and when you did shift and brush up against me the feeling blasted through me like an earthquake. I had to bite my tongue to keep from moaning. Much like the almost orgasmic reaction I had last night when you put on my cuffs, that tiny touch of your body against mine was electric.
I know I keep telling you this when you ask, but that half hour or so represented the best moments of our new life. The ability to clear everything from my mind, even the desire to reach out and caress you, is making me feel enlightened. It helps put everything in perspective. Because you will be the one to release me, my entire focus is you. And I don't mean that in an anxious way. I'm not trying to please you so uncuffing me would be my reward. I am just able to drown out everything else in my life knowing that I will have those moments with you where you free me, rub my wrists and ankles, and we commune on the greatness of life and the power of love.
That ring is my doorway to enlightenment and peace. Thank you so much for installing it.
