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Writing the Lists
Listening to this book has been great for me. You were right, it is different than other self help books. No schmaltz, no repetition, and no bullshit about tricks. I think it boils down to introspection to a fault, and learning to love yourself. Yours is the only opinion that matters about you. That last is funny, because my lists are all about how you feel about me. What you like, what you don't like. I appreciated your email last night. I asked you to list the things about me you didn't like, and you wouldn't. You built me up, instead. That is so YOU! You help me every day, and are my biggest support, but that's not why I'm writing the lists. It's all positive, I promise. We will talk about the reason on Wednesday, and hopefully again on Friday. I want to do something pretty crazy. If people knew they would think I was weird. But if people knew what we did behind closed doors, they would think we were weird, too. It will be painful for me, but if you want to change your life, it's not as easy as ordering a coffee or something.
So that is why I need the lists. The first one is the most important. Things I do that you don't like. And we both know that it isn't "cooking with curry" or "watching sports". It is the things that you don't do. It is the inconsiderate action, the thoughtless moment, the looking at porn, the shit show stuff. I think I convinced you before, when we were talking, about why I needed this list and you didn't. We struggled to come up with three things you do that are materially negative aspects of our relationship. I'm amending what I said, too. I originally asked, if I never did the things on this list again, would you miss them in any way? I think it is better to ask, if I never did these things again, would our lives be better? Because while that is a list of negative behaviors, I'm not trying to just not be bad, but to be good, and good for you. And yes, I know I need to be better for myself, but the thought of you going a week without being frustrated or disappointed by me is an amazing thought. I actually get a physical reaction thinking about it. I anxiously await your thoughts. You should be able to edit the list, and remember, it will have a SPECIFIC purpose.